This is a good piece. Very relatable. Alcohol the bane of so many lives. It's so good, but it's so bad!! I left an alcoholic husband because he wouldn't choose me and our children over booze. I think its admirable that you have found a strategy that works for you, and I think its even more admirable that you are embracing sobriety more often than not. AA isn't for everyone. You could publish and E book on your method. People love methods!! Can I recommend the writings of Gabor Mate, you may enjoy his work.
Thank you Gem. I have considered attempting to formailse my method into something that could be widely beneficial for people - perhaps I'll give that some more thought! Funny you should mention Gabor Mate - my old counsellor actually recommended him also, and he's on my must-read list.
What is the method? Everybody tries this! It ‘works’ for a while but it’s like how women always go back to the abusive ex, but it never works. So she rationalises that they can be separated but still have sex occasionally, especially when she arrives at his house to up the kids after a lonely weekend and he’s made dinner and the kids are happy and he offers you a wine ... it never ends well.
I can’t stand AA. Giving up your personal agency to a ‘higher’ power is not the way to end an abusive relationship. It’s to trade one for another. But you have to move on. You have to be someone else - a person who doesn’t drink. You’ll get there when you get there.
Gabor Mate will just give you an excuse to blame everyone else and avoid what needs to be done. He says all addiction is caused by childhood trauma! As Taylor Swift so catchily sang “life is emotionally abusive”.
Not everybody has tried this. My 'method' for want of a better word, involves a ruthless accounting of one's usage. This is not something most problem drinkers ever get close to - what they do is tell themselves they're going to drink less but put no accounting mechanisms in place to police it. I have a spreadsheet and annual targets and I happen to be the kind of person who gets obsessive about such things. I have found this combo works for me. It is not a solution for the hopeless addict with no will power, some people simply cannot use - they have to 'be someone else - a person who doesn’t drink' as you say. But I have found if I remain accountable to myself - much as we do in other areas of life such as diet, exercise, work etc - then I am able to limit the negative effects of drinking and live a life that is, overall, productive, healthy and positive.
To be frank it's the drugs that I find really pose a problem - and these of course then augment the drinking and cause it to become much more problematic. Taken alone however, I am finding booze to be far more controllable than I'd have ever thought before trying to live a mostly sober life.
Again though, I maintain that if and when I find I have lost control and my spreadsheet fails to motivate me to achieve the pre-set level of sobriety for the year (or very close to it) then I will be forced to admit before God that I can no longer indulge this vice and must permanently abstain.
Hi Michelle. Thanks for your recent comments on multiple articles. You've challenged me and given me quite a bit to think about. I will ponder all this and respond to each over the next few days.
This is a good piece. Very relatable. Alcohol the bane of so many lives. It's so good, but it's so bad!! I left an alcoholic husband because he wouldn't choose me and our children over booze. I think its admirable that you have found a strategy that works for you, and I think its even more admirable that you are embracing sobriety more often than not. AA isn't for everyone. You could publish and E book on your method. People love methods!! Can I recommend the writings of Gabor Mate, you may enjoy his work.
Thank you Gem. I have considered attempting to formailse my method into something that could be widely beneficial for people - perhaps I'll give that some more thought! Funny you should mention Gabor Mate - my old counsellor actually recommended him also, and he's on my must-read list.
What is the method? Everybody tries this! It ‘works’ for a while but it’s like how women always go back to the abusive ex, but it never works. So she rationalises that they can be separated but still have sex occasionally, especially when she arrives at his house to up the kids after a lonely weekend and he’s made dinner and the kids are happy and he offers you a wine ... it never ends well.
I can’t stand AA. Giving up your personal agency to a ‘higher’ power is not the way to end an abusive relationship. It’s to trade one for another. But you have to move on. You have to be someone else - a person who doesn’t drink. You’ll get there when you get there.
Gabor Mate will just give you an excuse to blame everyone else and avoid what needs to be done. He says all addiction is caused by childhood trauma! As Taylor Swift so catchily sang “life is emotionally abusive”.
Not everybody has tried this. My 'method' for want of a better word, involves a ruthless accounting of one's usage. This is not something most problem drinkers ever get close to - what they do is tell themselves they're going to drink less but put no accounting mechanisms in place to police it. I have a spreadsheet and annual targets and I happen to be the kind of person who gets obsessive about such things. I have found this combo works for me. It is not a solution for the hopeless addict with no will power, some people simply cannot use - they have to 'be someone else - a person who doesn’t drink' as you say. But I have found if I remain accountable to myself - much as we do in other areas of life such as diet, exercise, work etc - then I am able to limit the negative effects of drinking and live a life that is, overall, productive, healthy and positive.
To be frank it's the drugs that I find really pose a problem - and these of course then augment the drinking and cause it to become much more problematic. Taken alone however, I am finding booze to be far more controllable than I'd have ever thought before trying to live a mostly sober life.
Again though, I maintain that if and when I find I have lost control and my spreadsheet fails to motivate me to achieve the pre-set level of sobriety for the year (or very close to it) then I will be forced to admit before God that I can no longer indulge this vice and must permanently abstain.
Hi Michelle. Thanks for your recent comments on multiple articles. You've challenged me and given me quite a bit to think about. I will ponder all this and respond to each over the next few days.